27 Ways to Answer How Are You?

There's so many answers to choose from: Fine. Good. Great. Well. But those answers getting boring sometimes.

1. "I am so happy! I finally got rid of the toe fungus!
2. "Oh my god. I feel awful! I ate a mushroom and now I've had the sh*ts for 3 days! Do you think I should go see a doctor?"
3. "Well, it was all good, but then your face showed up."
4. "You know, same as always. Tired and irritated."
5. "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat."
6. "Great. Never better.  I just love funerals."
7. "Pretty good. I just finished counting my blessings."
8. "Good. You'll never guess what I just did! I joined the Dark Side."
9. "Better than you."
10. "Same as always. Smart and sarcastic."
11. "So good. I just drank 2.5 gallons of soda."
12. "Fine....Do you happen to know any good places to hide a dead body? Just wondering."
13. "Besides the bloating, cramping, mood swings, and general misery, I am good."
14. "Happy as hell."
15. "Cloudly with 20% chance of rain."
16. "I'm fat, sweaty, and ugly. What do you think?"
17. "Like an angel."
18. "That's confidential information."
19. "I can't tell you, the fate of mankind depends on it. I'm sorry, what was the question again?"
20. "Good. I just saw my grandma at Walmart."
21. "I just saw Elvis. Don't ask, I heard it through the grapevine."
22. "Good. Fine. Well. Peachy. Should I continue or do you get the point?"
23. "Good. I can feel my weirdness scale rising as we speak."
24. "Cool as a pickle. That reminds me, do you know how pickles are made? No? Well, let me tell you how it all began..."
25. "Dead."
26. "I am just awesome."
27. "Delicious."